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No Yes Woman: How to Say No (and mean it)

By September 15, 2011 How-To, Life, Life Advice
Saying-No

Contrary to what you may think, I am quite the people pleaser. In my heart I just want to help everyone and I rarely turn down a request from a friend, coworker or associate. I have some weird Superwoman complex and am always trying to make everyone happy. While this is great, for all its karmic benefit, it’s not always so great for my psyche and creative energy.

As women we want to be all things to all people; great friends, great mothers, great employees, great girlfriends and wives. However, we often fail to be great to the person who needs it the most; ourselves. Lately, I’ve been evaluating what and to whom I give my time. While I find saying “no” one of the hardest things to do, I am realizing that sometimes saying no (and sticking to it) is the best thing for our mental clarity, self-love and happiness.

Now before you rush out and shout “NO” from the mountain-tops, here are some questions to ask to decide what deserves a Yes and what requires a No.

Evaluate the Request

Is going to your good friend’s cousin’s wedding something you really want to do?
Would you just be saying yes to make the person happy and if so would making the person happy make you happy? Do you have the energy to fulfill the favor or will you feel spent at the end of it?

Consider the Source

Is this a person who has your best interest at heart or do they only hit you up when they need something? Are they a true friend or a friend of convenience? Does this person support you and is the relationship one of reciprocity? If a fair-weather friend only hits you up to get one-sided advice, then you may want to limit the advice you give, but if a tried and true friend needs your help you should feel no hesitation.

Listen to your Heart

In every decision, your heart is your true compass. What is your heart saying? Is it genuinely telling to lend a helping hand or blaring a warning sign to proceed with caution? If you feel like saying yes will compromise some part of you, then don’t do it.

Say No, Politely of Course

Saying no doesn’t have to be done in a brash way. You can politely say “No, I don’t have time to help you, but I may know someone else who can” or “While I would love to attend your xyz, I simply can’t.” If the person is a true friend they will understand.

Deal with the Consequences

If you looking out for yourself and your time makes someone feel slighted, then so be it. Stand firm in your choices and let the chips fall where they may.

 

While this isn’t a totem to say no more, it is a testament to taking back our power and evaluating what we give our energy to. There are so many things pulling us in so many directions. By evaluating things from a place of “Can I truly contribute?” or “Do I truly have time?” you can clearly decide what truly feeds your soul and give with an open heart.

Do you have trouble saying no? If so, how do you handle saying it?

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Acceptance and NaNoWriMo

By November 3, 2010 Extras, Life of Ms. Thought

We have to accept ourselves in order to write. Now none of us does that fully: few of us do it even halfway. Don’t wait for one hundred percent acceptance of yourself before you write, or even eight percent acceptance. Just write. The process of writing is an activity that teaches us about acceptance.

-NATALIE GOLDBERG

After much debating, I decided to participate in National November Writing Month. While I haven’t written “creatively” since college, my dream of writing a novel is still as present as the day I arrived in my Professional Writing 101 course, green and wet behind the ears. Instead of continuing to rationalize the many excuses (in my head) of why I’m not writing, I figured that maybe NanoWriMo could awaken my dormant novelist (or make a mockery of my words.) Either way it will be a journey of discovery as I join hundreds of thousands of people around the world attempting to write a 50,000 word novel in a month. Apologies in advance for extreme pensiveness and mood swings.

And if you want to bear your story to the world  join us at Nanowrimo.org

HAPPY WRITING!

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