There comes a time in every single girl’s life when she has to make a choice. A decision that will affect her for months (maybe years to come). A decision not to be taken lightly. Should she enjoy the dating scene and have sex casually outside of a monogamous relationship or should she withstand that pressure (and yearnings) and be celibate?
Sex is an important part of our lives, health and experiences and everyone’s need for intimacy is different. But one thing is universal, being single without “regular” access to sexual relations can be a tough for us modern girls. We have to make choices about our sexual health, our needs and expectations and do what’s best for ourselves.
Your Body, Your Terms: Casual Sex
You’re actively dating and maybe even seeing a few guys that you like. Or you’ve got a booty call on the backburner. Whatever the situation you have access to sex but not a serious relationship. You could be in between relationships or just not meeting someone you want to take seriously, but having sex in definitely on the menu.
Pros:
You have needs, biological needs. And maybe your need to have sex is stronger than your need for commitment. You don’t have to worry about where your next lay will come from, or at least not worry as much. And the need for a serious relationship may be staved off by your casual affairs, at least for a little while.
Cons:
You still have to solicit sex and outside of a serious relationship, that can be difficult. If you’ve had a long standing casual sex relationship, you still have to send awkward texts or phone calls for sex. You may wonder how you can turn a booty call into a serious relationship (which almost never works). If it’s casual, it’s probably not monogamous. Hopefully you’re practicing safe sex but the threat of STD and unplanned pregnancy is still there.
Insider Opinion:
Kori, 28 said “It’s not in my genes to be celibate. Casual sex works for me because I have a need for it and while I would prefer to have a boyfriend that isn’t always the case. At the same time, if you’ve been having casual sex with someone for a while you have an understanding and remember to practice safe sex. My thought is even if I have a boyfriend, stuff happens. You break up and I would rather have sex than not.”
The Waiting Game: Celibacy
There’s more to relationships than sex and waiting can help you make better decisions when it comes to men and help you get in touch with what you truly want. But on the flip side, it is a waiting game. You have to choose celibacy because it’s something YOU want to do, not because you think it will snag a guy. Leave that 90 day rule to Steve Harvey and em and define what celibacy looks like for you.
Pros:
You are carefree, well as carefree as you can be while not getting laid. You don’t have to worry about diseases or pregnancy. Whatever your reasoning for abstaining (religion, self-esteem, marriage) you have decided to hold sex to another esteem and wait for your own ideal situation.
Cons:
You’re not getting laid. And surprisingly, all you can think about is getting laid.
Insider Opinion:
Crystal from Texas says “Celibacy is tough for those of us who were sexually active but for me its the way to go. My choice is spiritual. Casual sex, while is ok for some, I can’t get down with giving myself to multiple people.”
What are your thoughts ladies? Have you ever practiced celibacy? How do you deal with sex being a single girl?
And for more discussion check out the thread on Facebook
While through trial and error I have learned that casual sex is not for me, I have never made the conscious decision to be celibate either. Although, I’ve gone long periods of time without having sex (up to year and nothing) I eventually met someone and although we were not in a committed relationship, I thought we were leading that way, so I decided to partake. Turned out we were not leading to a relationship and in the end I felt like I cheated myself. I felt like I waited all that time and wasted it on someone who didn’t value me the way I needed them to. I never want to feel that way again. Perhaps it is time for me to go for it and say “Hey, yeah I’m celibate!” and be proud. I don’t want to wait until I’m married, but I want control over my body. It will be taking back what I felt was lost. It will be a period of establishing what is most important to me- my evolving spiritual relationship with God as well as the qualities I need fulfilled in a man. And when I choose to have sex again, It will needs to be with the right person and broken for the right reasons and God will help me that decision. Thank you StylishThought! What a great way to start off my morning!
You’re welcome Simone. I love how you refer to having control over your body. I totally think our choices should be exercises in doing what feels right for us. I commend you for acknowledging the feelings you had and learning from your disappointments. Your body is yours and you should feel great about sharing it with someone.
Be very open with the person when the time is right, disscus it with them. You don’t have to let them know the first date, but when things start heating up let them know straight up that you’re celibate and explain that it’s a personal choice. If they’re worth it, they’ll understand and respect it. If they don’t well then just keep in mind that you stayed true to yourself and that it’s their loss. If you’re worried you might have a weak moment and may give in, then don’t shave =) it’ll give you another reason to not do something you’ll later regret. Good Luck!
I’m single but I’m not necessarily choosing to be celibate; I just haven’t met anyone. I don’t have issues with “casual sex” if it’s with someone I am actively dating. I’m not into “hooking up” with random guys or anything like that;I’m more comfortable with someone I know. I know some people probably think I’m weird because I don’t have someone I can call just to have sex but I’m just not into that. I’d rather avoid awkward situations like what happens if the guy gets a girlfriend or something? What am I supposed to do then? It’s been really tough but I’m not gonna put myself in an uncomfortable situation or do something I really don’t want to do just to get sex.
Amen to that Cosmolude! I’ve had casual sex relationships and while they were ok for awhile, they eventually always got awkward and drifted off. I think a lot of ladies accidentally fall into celibacy or abstaining. Sex is important but its not the end all be all.
This is my dilemma. If I am not in a serious relationship, I am okay being involuntarily celibate, I get used to it after a while. My last relationship ended 10 months ago when my boyfriend moved out of state. Since then I have not had any sexual relationships until recently when I met a wonderful man who pursued me until I gave in. I am not an overly religious person but he is. I did not realize how much until after our 1st sexual experience and then we went to church together. Now his entire persona has changed regarding our relationship. What I let go to sleep for the past 10 months has now awakened but he is on a spiritual journey where he is conflicted about having relations.
He tells me that he saw something special in me and that is why he wants to hold off on us having sex again but to take the time to get to know each other so that we can build a stronger relationship. That is fine and all and that is something that I have always wanted but I am very angry, mostly at myself, for allowing things to go that far before learning that these were his intentions. I would have been happy staying single. I’m praying about it.
Well it’s been almost a year for me starting next week of September. And quite honestly I didn’t ask to become celibate. It just kinda happened. Although my faith in God and my religion plays a major role in my decision to remain celibate. I also think my pending divorce does as well. I’ve been seperated for nearly 2 1/2 years from my soon to be ex husband and I have discovered while on this journey of celibacy it’s sometimes not all peaches and cream but I also have discovered its not hard either. When you choose NOT to think about it. When you ask and say a simple prayer of God keep me Eben when sometimes you don’t want to be kept. I’m amazed at how far I’ve come on this journey being that I’ve never in my life had to endure or abstain from something of this nature. Its empowering though knowing that you can have full control over your body like this. I believe it’s a battle in your mind. Because where the mind goes the man follows! Its not easy but with God’s help it’s doable. Be blessed and hang in there. This too shall pass!
i have been celibate for 1 months now. I hve been sexually active in the past. My reasons for celibacy are as follows: To avoid hurt. To avoid pregnancy. To avoid Stds. However i think of sex all the time and masturbate almost every day/ every other day! Its weird almost like i wonder if I ‘ve forgotten how to have sex :S
grrr correction ** 17 months now! lol
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You didnt really touch upon one of the solutions to celibacy: Masturbation. Though it is still considered taboo and “Ratchet” to some degree to discuss it, masturbation is a way out of the defined realms which plead for conformity. I have been single for about 6 months, and i must say that were it not for my vibrator I’d probably be miserable. I believe its the perfect way to be true to yourself and not constantly fall in the habbit of mistaking lust for love and gives you the opportunity to date without this inner sexual drive pleading for you to see the “good” in everybody