“Fathers be good to your daughters
Daughters will LOVE like you do
Girls become lovers, who turn into mothers
So mothers be GOOD to your daughters too”—
-John Mayer “Daughters”
Father’s Day is always particularly hard for me. My father isn’t in my life and every Sear’s “Buy Dad a lawnmower/grill/tools” commercial reminds me of that sad fact. This wasn’t always the case. My parents were married for a good majority of my childhood but after their divorce and subsequent years of “trying” he simply faded into the “land of absentee fathers”. I can’t recall the exact date of the disconnect, but it doesn’t make it any less hurtful.
I think about the days when my father was present and how loving and intelligent he was. He was a reader and a thinker and I attribute my love of books to him among other pensive qualities. His absence makes me wonder about my own views on fatherhood, myself and men. It’s said that all women have “Daddy Issues” whether those issues manifest themselves as an Eleckta complex, a teenage pregnancy or as a high standard set by a stellar father figure. I can’t exactly quantify my own “issues” but I’m pretty certain that my view on men and relationships, hell my views on myself, have their rooting in my relationship with my father.
There are amazing men in the world who everyday work tirelessly for their families. Who spend the necessary time to nurture and encourage their children. If you have such a man for a father, appreciate him. Everyday. This Father’s Day tell your father just how important he truly is to you.
Take it from a girl without one, their presence in our lives is one we shouldn’t have to do without.
It was love-hate but only because we were cut from the same cloth. I miss him terribly. Father’s Day is always so depressing for me since he died back in 2007.
Hang on to the good memories, babe.
And it’s absolutely true: a woman’s relationship with her father will inform her interactions with men for her entire life.
*hugs*
Yeah, I just always think of the times when he was present, you do the same *hugs you right back*
this article honestly is painful yet encouraging for me to read. my relationship with my father is fractured and unlike you two he is still living; i come from the side of the tracks where you have a father present but dont have a father….i more so remember him as a sign of disaapointment lies and negative based on how he presented himself while he lived with us…till this day now that i have my own daughter who is 5 months its hard to raise her because i cant even began to think how to ask the questions i have for how to raise her. the good thing is we communicate but its still reminders of what he wasnt every now and then..its encouraging because like you saud its plenty of good hard working men out here and who defines family to be your real mother and father…people are blessed to have other people to fill that emptiness so thats you do know what it is to have a father or mother or family. i take this to heart as a raise my daughter without her dad because of issue with domestic abuse……thanks for this post gave me something to think about
*hugs for you both and god bless*
Not having a father in your life (or having a distant relationship) is a tough pill to swallow, but it is my belief that we can use the absence as fuel to select men and empower our daughters to pick men that are responsible to break the cycle. Also men have to step up and become the fathers we need them to be.
Thanks for the comment Donna,
Stylishly Yours, Fajr