“I’ve had heartaches, headaches, toothaches, earaches, and I’ve had a few pains in the ass; but I’ve survived to tell about it.” – Dolly Parton
In every life a little heartbreak must fall. Falling in love is a part of life and much to our disappointment so is falling out of love. It happens and often times there is nothing we can do about it.
If you watch enough Romantic Comedies you’d think you’d have to flee town to get over lost love. While there are tried & true methods for surviving a break-up, there are actions that you can take that will not only make matters worse, but ensure that it takes more time to get over said “Mr. Perfect” than truly necessary.
Call repeatedly
Dial his number. Hang up. Dial again. Do this twice a day for about a week. Don’t leave messages or do leave messages asking him to return your teddy bear/toothbrush/half-eaten platter from Applebees. Calling him over and over just to listen to his voice-mail recording will not help you forget his name (or voice) any sooner. In fact it will likely get your number blocked.
Don’t accept that it’s over
If when you and your guy broke up, if you heard “temporary” when he meant “permanently” you may not have been ready to accept it. Accepting a break up is half the battle. It’s perfectly OK for your heart to still pine, but when your mind is harboring delusions that it’s not truly over you may be in for a rude awakening.
Turn into a raging stalker
In the digital age, it’s far too easy to Facebook/Twitter/ IRL stalk your ex. Read every social media update, show up at events he or she tweets about and plead to get back together. While you’re at it, keep your Facebook album “Our Love” up for months after the break-up.
Alienate your friends by constantly discussing it
Remember the SATC episode when the gals had Carrie committed for talking about Big too much? Don’t be that girl. Sure you need to vent to your friends and they will listen, up to a point. Healthy dissection of what went wrong and why you broke up is fine. Ranting and endless tirades is not.
Listen to depressing slow jams—on Repeat
Slow music was for made of times like this. I encourage getting in touch with your pain, but when you are torturing yourself with a endless serenade of Sinead O’ Connor it’s time to tune out. Put on an “Over You” playlist full of songs that sing about how beautiful and great you are!
Think that it will never get better
Every one has had their heart broken and I’ll be the first to attest to being broken up with. It is not the end of the world. If you believe that you will never find another person as great, you need a reality check quick. As the cliche goes, there are plenty of fish in the sea and some on dry land as well. Or as my fav Rihanna sings “Men be falling like the rain…. we ain’t running out!”
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Now that you know what NOT to do, here are five ways to mend your broken heart and survive your break up with class and style to boot!
5 Ways to Survive a Break-Up
1. Make the Decision to Move On
Too often women wait for the guy to make the decision or tell you how he feels. Bullocks. You don’t need anyone’s permission to end a relationship. If you are over it, break up with him. Be sure it’s what you really want and then walk away.
2. Cut All Ties— Until You’re OVER It
Wouldn’t it be great if we could love, live and be friends? Well this isn’t Melrose Place and if you break my heart, we really don’t have much to be friends about. Of course, every situation is different and I am friends with exes, but a clean break and distance helps to heal wounds faster than continuously picking at a bruise.
3. Be your Own Lover
Manbattical, Me Time, whatever clever phrase you give it, after a break-up we all need alone time. Time to spend getting back in touch with ourselves, loving ourselves and remembering that life goes on. Do things that make you feel good and focus on restoring yourself.
4. Find a Comforting Shoulder
Support is not only essential; it is required. There is always that one person you can be honest with about your feelings. Seek them out, cry on their shoulder and allow them to help you through it.
5. Learn From It
In fairy tales and in life, there is always a lesson and heartbreak is one of life’s greatest teachers. Some have passed with flying colors, while some have been students for years. Heed your lessons and graduate a stronger, more beautiful woman worthy of a second chance.
And in case you need more reassurance… here’s Gloria Gaynor to give it you to straight…no chaser
Great tips, Fajr!
Of course, they are always easier said than done. I think occupying every minute of spare time helps. And volunteering. It forces you to think about the plight of others who probably have it far worse than you, and it makes you feel better knowing you have helped someone.
They most certainly are easier said than done! Hell I had to learn these lessons the hard way, sure wish I had a blog post to tell me what not to do! Ah well, as usual life is the best teacher & healer.
Thanks for the comment, V!
Goodness!
I wish this article was present a month ago when my boyfriend and I broke up! lol At the time I had let myself go down the deep end: not eating, swollen eyes, ragged clothing. This was initially the reason why I started my blog; to not only share my passion for clothing, but to get out some stress that I had in my life. Although I’e done all on the DO LIST, I’m sad to say that I have done a few on the DON’T list…but hey we live and we learn right?
Thanks for sharing this article !
Ashley XO
fatandcurlyme.blogspot.com
No problem Ashley! We’ve all been there and I’ve done more DON’Ts than I care to mention! Glad this post helped you and hopefully made you laugh!
Stylishly Yours,
Fajr!
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Thank you for this list! I just made a commitment to move on cleanly and cut off all communication after a recent break-up. Only after committing a few of the break-up donts on your list of course. Haha.
Nice list, although I disagree with you on one point:
Listen to depressing slow jams—on Repeat
This is ok in my mind – as long as it’s just a short term thing. I tell people it’s okay to mope around the house and be sad for a weekend, but you have to get out of that cycle QUICKLY or it will never end.