If you watch enough romantic comedies or read enough Cosmo, you’ll be led to believe that women are either:
A) Unlovable Lepers
B) Whiny, needy and pathetic
C) Waiting on a man to save them
Well you know what I say to that; BULLOCKS! For every love starved fictional female character, there is a kick ass woman who understands that love is great but it doesn’t make or break her.
Contrary to Lifetime movies, dating can actually be approached from a place of intelligence and fun and doesn’t have to be a mad dash to the altar. However the “rules” of the dating game so often leave us gals on the sideline waiting for the ever elusive “one”. So where are all dating “rules” for women who’d rather harness their own power than wait for a relationship to give it to them?
Here are 50 dating rules for smart girls who could care less about dating rules!
1. Trust your instincts & always follow your heart
2. “Marriage is a great institution, but I’m not ready for an institution .” ~Mae West
3. If he’s not dating you, he’s not sleeping with you…. (see #4)
4. Unless of course you want to sleep with him.. then do you boo!
5. Being single is not the end of the world: it’s the most liberating time when you can do what you want, answer to no one and fall in love with yourself!
6. Sometimes sex is just sex; break it to him gently
7. We’re independent, pay our own bills, change our tires and still want to be held; vulnerability makes you strong
8. Liking a guy is no excuse to act bat shit crazy… be cool gal!
9. Liquor & true emotion don’t mix… trust me on this one
10. Dating is meant to be fun; not a spectator sport
11. Love is only as complicated as we make it
12. Everything you need to know about him, will reveal itself
13. Girls just wanna have fun is more than a song; it’s a way of life
14. Your Prince Charming does exist; but you don’t have to be Sleeping Beauty waiting for him to rescue you
15. Respect is the minimum, disrespect is where to draw the line
16. Femininity is our gift; use it wisely
17. Sex and the City is a work of fiction, not a guide for life (learned this the hard way)
18. Don’t play hard to get, Be hard to get
19. Waiting for him to make the first move? Ask him out
20. A breakup does not equal breakdown. Can I get an AMEN?!
21. Avoid two things in life: cheap shoes and cheap men
22. Playing small doesn’t pay: Let. Your. Light. Shine. Girl!
23. Match.com doesn’t make you pathetic but sitting home waiting for the one will make you bitter
24. Confidence is Sexy; Independence is even sexier
25. Maybe you’re just not that into HIM
26. Having a date doesn’t Vali-Date you
27. Being a size 0 won’t make him like you and if it does… he’s a dick!
28. A woman will have multiple great loves in her life and each one should make her a better woman
29. No man is perfect and neither are you! Get over yourself!
30. “A girl can wait for the right man to come along but in the meantime that still doesn’t mean she can’t have a wonderful time with all the wrong ones.”~ Cher
31. Paying for dinner and opening doors aren’t reserved for men, they’re reserved for people with manners
32. Don’t make your single girlfriends out to be catty, jealous haters
33. Relationships are hard work; know this and fall in love anyway
34. Speaking your mind won’t scare off the right guy, it will make him fall more
35. If you treat a first date like an interview, it will feel like one
36. You can only control one thing in a relationship: yourself
37. Be who you really are via @loveandtrash
38. Having a career, hobbies and a life are all prerequisites
39. There’s so much excitement in getting to know someone… take your time
40. A smile is the best introduction
41. Live and learn and be thankful you didn’t get Luvs
42. Men who write dating books for women have a special place in hell— Steve Harvey!
43. Don’t settle for less than butterflies— but you already knew that! 
44. If he doesn’t support your shoe habit, it’s not true love!
45. Being the best you will ultimately attract the best partner for you
46. Being picky isn’t a crime, being nitpicky is
47. Dating your self is great practice and teaches others how to love you (good one @StylisticTaste)
48. “Maybe some women aren’t meant to be tamed. Maybe they just need to run free til they find someone just as wild to run with them” - Sex and the City
49. The antidote to desperation is self-confidence.
50. At the end of the day, be honest about how you feel and walk away. If he’s the one he’ll run to catch you
love this/ needed the reminders! great post
Thanks Jess!
My own “Prince Charming” turned out, when I found her, to be “Princess Charming.” I’ve never been so happy in my life!
So don’t limit yourself to THAT stereotype either; namely, that only a MAN can make you happy.
Great point Robyn! I totally believe love crosses gender and all stereotypes on what and who is acceptable to love.
Thanks for the comment!
Yay! This is what I needed to see!
Awesome! yes
steve harvey is a good man and one of my moms best friend helped her in high school, so i wouldnt diss. also shoe habits dont have to be loved by men, they just are habits that dont need to include men.
Amen!!
Bravo darling! I loved it all! Let me tell you some of my favs: 21, 42 (had me lol), and 47 (of course)- thanks for the mention. I know a couple women who need to apply these “rules” in their DAILY lives. lol
You’re welcome love, it was a great point!
Nice list. I like number 33, relationships are hard work; know this and fall in love anyway. Its well worth it when you find someone you really care about.
My number one rule would be: Don’t expect love without giving it.
Really I mean if you don’t keep your girl happy and show her you know what it means to make her feel appreciated then don’t be surprised if she doesn’t do the same.
Thanks Adam! I wish more men thought like you. Relationships need to be nurtured from both parties that is so true!
I completely agree with you both. It takes a lot of work, but… even if I’m fighting with my boyfriend, those times when he makes me laugh totally make up for it. You have to work for what you want. Why should a relationship be any different? I read something on lipglossculture.com about what makes a relationship work that totally applies to this. You should check it out
If I were to list my dating rules, I’d just be copying each of these 50 rules. We’re like brain twins, girl! In all honesty, I think my top two rules are honesty is everything and let yourself feel, whether it’s pain or love.
I told you were my blog soulmate! Couldn’t agree more with the honesty piece, especially when it comes to being honest with ourselves. Like admitting how you feel and what you want is the first step!
Disney princess rehab here we come!
Totally love this list! Especially #18, $21, #24 and #33!
••V••
http://www.gritandglamour.com
@gritandglamour
Hmmm! #18 and #21
A-MEN! This is the BEST set of rules, I have ever read…hands down, no lie! I’m actually shocked I finished it b/c I never finish reading lists like this plus 50 sounded like a lot, lol… but I honestly could NOT STOP reading it! What wonderful sentiments, thoughts and hopefully practices!
My most fave is: 25. Maybe you’re just not that into HIM- wish I had known that a while ago with my last bf.
Also people need to know: 5. Being single is not the end of the world: it’s the most liberating time when you can do what you want, answer to no one and fall in love with yourself!
I have the best effing time when I’m single…I mean being able to flirt and dance and meet men with an openness that just can’t happen to me when I’m seriously dating someone is something I totally miss.
Ok, there are a few others I’d shoutout but really the whole darn set of rules are fantastic. My number one rule: be honest to the person you’re dating and more importantly to yourself…cut the mind games and dating games, actually all games (minus scrabble, that one is awesome); the crazy dialogues that are going in your head will definitely lessen if you just are honest thru and thru.
Wow!!! I love this list!
Thanks Tee!
1st time on your site and I must say these rules made alot of sense. Women who usually dish out advice have no clue but I like, I like.
Blogging for Daters- A lifetime of blogging
i really like this one!
51st rule: Find out of he admires in you what you admire in yourself, and vice versa. If so, then you’ll be compatible long-term. So says Hayden Dane in his brief but insightful e-book at http://www.haydendane.com. It’s a helpful read for anyone involved in the dating scene.
Thanks for the link and admiring each other is so important!
I really enjoyed this list! Totally agreed with most, though there is one that I feel should have a P.S attached. #44: If shoes are your thing, go for it! Whatever that little thing that makes you feel like a sexy woman. But don’t expect him to LOVE your obsession like you do and know when to draw a line. If you’re in debt, but looking at a $300 pair of heels, he has a right (and a point) to criticize. No one really needs 40 pairs of shoes.
Am I the only girl in existence who hates shoes???
I was just going to say…are we supposed to care about shoes because we are women? Everything else in the list was so relevant to relationships that you’d think shoes were made for a vagina.
We definitely don’t have to care about shoes because we’re women, that would be foolish. Those two points were for pure fun, not tried and true!
Thanks for the comment and enjoying the post.
Great point Robyn! I totally believe love crosses gender and all stereotypes on what and who is acceptable to love.
Thanks for the comment!
We definitely don’t have to care about shoes because we’re women, that would be foolish. Those two points were for pure fun, not tried and true!
Thanks for the comment and enjoying the post.
Heck no! Shoes are pure fun and there’s nothing wrong with hating them! Every woman has something she loves and for me shoes is it
Thanks for the comment and the great question
All of there are shit! It’s freaking retarded to whoever listens to any of these. I’m a guy, girls don’t do this shit.
I bet your also single? Your comments show a severe lack of respect… which is probably a thing you have against women.
Not really sure what dog fighter! found wrong with the things on this list. If anything this is one of the better lists I’ve seen. No games. No processes or procedures. Just be the best you, get what you want & don’t settle for less than you feel you deserve. Don’t see anything wrong with that.
In reality, things work differently
Great post! It was informative and entertaining. There’s nothing wrong with being single, just as there are things we must demand from a relationship for it to be a good one.
1) I will not allow a man to lie, cheat, or to do anything that a GOOD friend would do to me
2) A man will treat me with the respect that I deserve
3) Physical, Emotional, or Mental abuse is in NO way tolerable
4) I WILL listen to my friends and family if they have concerns with the man I am seeing and my relationship…. They DO have my best interest at heart
5) I am beautiful. I do not need a man to make me feel beautiful.
6) If he is not interested in a long-term relationship, he isn’t worth my time
7) If he only calls on the weekends or during the week this is not acceptable, a man who truly loves me will be there for me day or night. I am not a weekend girlfriend.
8) If he doesn’t ask me questions about MY life, he isn’t interested enough in me
9) If my family doesn’t feel comfortable with him, or him feel comfortable with them, then something is wrong with him.
10) sex is secondary, love is first, trust is number one.
11) He will not force me to do something I don’t want to do.
12) He will hear to what I have to say, and truly listen. He will take my feelings into consideration. He WILL keep his promises and his word.
13) He should be jealous when I am around other men, but he should also trust me
14) I will not let him come between the things I love doing, my life goals, and my aspirations. If he loves me he will support me.
15) He will not be my world.
16) I will not let him treat me like his mother, like his maid, or his mistress.
17) He should want me to feel free and wild, he should not want to tame me.
18) He should be able to tell me what he wants, fears, and any other emotion he is going through. He should be able to trust me and want to tell me these things.
19) He should comfort me and I him.
20) He needs to love me for exactly who I am and nothing else. I have the right to change but he should have the ability to accept me, no matter who I am this week.
21) He should want to experience life WITH me. Not sitting on the side-lines.
22) If he doesn’t want to be WITH me, then he doesn’t truly care about me.
23) If I don’t hear from him, or if he is avoiding me, I am long gone.
24) He should inspire me to be the best version of myself and I should do the same for him.
25) Family and friends always comes before a man, they will be there when he is long gone.
26) He should be able to talk to me and work through problems. If he runs away he will always run away. And honey you don’t want a runner.
27) Relationships are hard. They have their ups and downs. But there should always be love, if there is no love, then there is no point at all.
28) If he is extremely late, then he doesn’t think you are worth the extra time.
29) Life happens. Men come and go. But the ones who stick by you when is roughest, those who brave the storm, are the ones to hold on to
30) Real men are not real men around a lady. They are gentlemen. But real men treat a woman like they should be treated, with respect and chivalry.
31) A man should have no problem sticking up for their lady, if that means fighting for them… so be it. They will know that she will be there to catch them even if they fall to the ground.
32) If he wouldn’t be a good father, don’t be with him. If you don’t know if he would be a good father, don’t be with him.
33) If he doesn’t treat other people with respect, especially his mother, he wont treat you with respect either.
34) Do not date a man who lives with his parents, unless you are living with your parents too.
35) Find a man who has the same financial goals as you do.
36) If he cant be happy on his own accord and enjoy life to the fullest, he will suck the happiness out of your life.
37) every couple needs sometime off to miss each other, EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE.
38) He should have an opinion and stick to it, even if it isn’t your opinion. A man without an opinion has no brains. And pretty girls don’t date dumb boys.
39) He should give and care about those less fortunate then himself.
40) He should care for animals and children, dearly.
41) He should have a good moral backbone and stick up for what is right and wrong.
42) He should want to support you
43) A man who talks down to others will eventually talk down to you.
44) You are a confident sexy beautiful woman and you should be treated like one.
45) The bad boys really are bad men, don’t waste your time.
46) If he is making excuses not to be with you, or seems oddly busy he is either cheating on you or damn near thinking about it.
47) He can forgive, you will make mistakes and so will he, but people make mistakes it happens, but as long as everyone is accountable for their portion of it then life goes on.
48) He needs to love you more then you love him.
49) Relationships are tough, but communication is key. Don’t make decisions before talking it through, you will otherwise make a fools mistake. Sleep on it, you WILL feel better tomorrow.
50) Everything in moderation. Not too much heart, but not too much brain. Do what feels right and make choices you are comfortable and confident with. Give people chance you WILL be surprised.
51) Getting hurt is OKAY. The heart has an amazing ability to heal and you can repair it. And someone WILL come along to breathe life into it you just have to LET him. It just happens when you least expect it.
52) Don’t let a man make a fool out of you, he will try.
53) Women have power, men just don’t know about that yet.
54) Don’t cry too hard over a man, if your crying alone, he isn’t worth that much.
55) They want love just as badly as you do, and they are just as scared (if they are the right one). Don’t leave them guessing, you don’t like to be left in the dark either.
56) Just because there once was love don’t mean a thing, people change, don’t dwel on the past. He is not who he was then.
57) Love is rarely packaged the way you expect it to be.
1) If he cheats, he’s not worth it. NEVER take him back…he’ll just do it again.
2) don’t get mad that he looks and talks to other girls…you look and talk to other guys too.
3) Never let him see you cry because of him…it will only boost his ego.
4) Smiling is the best way to get a guys attention. Guys like girls who are happy, not gloomy.
5) He MUST respect that I’m a Christian.
6) Premarital sex is not an option.
7) If he really loves you he won’t pressure you into doing something you don’t want to do.
8) stay true to your morals.
9) just because you “love” him, doesn’t mean you have to do anything illegal, immoral, or unethical…and he should respect that.
10) Just be yourself around him.
11) Don’t care what others say( I know it’s hard)just live and love ♥.
12) this one is for guys: Guys, think with you head, not your penis..thanks.
13) Don’t change, just to impress him…be yourself, someone loves you for who you are.
15) It’s okay to be a female athlete…a lot of guys adore it. they don’t want some wimpy girl who is needy and dependent!
thanks for reading… Kennyreeese
This definitley what i needed at where i am in a relashionship:) made my night
agree with you 100% !
Dear Fajr,
You practically took the words from my mind and heart. I wholeheartedly agree with every single rule. It takes something truly inspiring to make me smile, and after reading this, my cheeks hurt. You are an incredible writer. Thank you for your hard work and honesty. You’ll do great things and people will remember you.
Lindsay
Thank you so much Lindsay! That means a lot to me.
great site i am glad i stopped by and follow u on twitter now.
Thank you!
I absolutely love this post. I’m taking it upon myself to read it every day…I know what it feels like to completely change into a person your not when you fall for a guy…boys make you crazy (especially in college). I’m slowly developing my independence, and I sense it is working
thanks again stylish thought <3
awesome
I love these! People often portray women as needy and always clinging. I would like to believe that the majority are the complete opposite. Yes guys that means we really don’t need you. Don’t get me wrong we love having you around and wouldn’t have it any other way but we are independant and can do it on our own we just choose not to!
oh gosh, i love this post! thank you so much for giving us this nice dating rules. it’s a great reminder!
Oh Fajr, I absolutely LOVE this! Thanks for sharing some of your almighty wisdom.I am loving your life lessons!
Hi Lynn! I’m so glad you enjoyed it and I hope it helps you through any dating dilemma!
Thanks so much for the comment!
Wow! I love your tips… Some are what I am doing and some is new to my knowledge… This is very helpful more especially to the young ones going out for a date.
Number 33 describes my situation so well… I just wish I could get HIM to understand!! I already follow most of the rules on this list, but it certainly makes me think differently about dating. I’m a woman, I’m independent, but having someone love you is worth the world sometimes. I’m going to continue dating & having a good time until it’s my time to choose.
Thanks so much for posting this!
Love, love, LOVE this, so very true! I can’t even pick a favorite because they are all so good. Great blog btw too
Glad you love it! Thanks for the comment Lauren!
Hell fuckin’ yeah, sister.
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Don’t over analyze, or let your insecurities ruin a good thing.
Learning this the hard way :/
[...] 50 Dating Rules for Smart Girls Who Dont Need Dating Rules | Relationships | Stylish Thought – Stumb… 23. [...]
If a guy wants you, NOTHING will keep him away.
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This might just be me, but I don’t think that love ALWAYS has to start with butterflies. I mean, that’s a really great perk and all, but isn’t there a careful distinction between infatuation and love?
Other than that, wonderful list.
You realize that most of these “tips” are circular…and I’ve just been wondering why women are starting to believe that to be a true feministic, strong woman is making them try to become men (i.e. treating our fertility like a disease, acting like sex doesn’t affect us like it does to men-don’t pretend it doesn’t, and going against our very nature in order to appear “stronger”). Women can do anything they want to, but it doesn’t make any sense to try and capture masculinity while in pursuit of femininity.
Thanks for your thoughtful comment Susan!
I agree that to be women we don’t need to “act” like men, that’s actually pretty counterproductive. I also think that being strong means understanding that when something, even love, doesn’t go our way, it’s ok to pick up your bootstraps and move on. Self-respect and self-care are not traits reserved for men just as wanting kids or becoming emotionally attached after sex aren’t exclusive to women.
By far my most trusty piece of (life) and dating advice is the good ol’ standby: follow your heart. For me, all rules boil down to this one simple mantra.
There have been times when I have fallen too far into something and spent all my strength on it. After leaving I had to pick up the pieces and there was, admittedly, a slow and steady breakdown. But following that breakdown is the build up- that’s the best part of life! This cycle we go through that reminds us we are alive. When you follow your heart it takes you up and down, it makes you break your own rules and rediscover new ones that you’ll break again in the future. It’s making this mess and constantly resurfacing from it that gives our strength resilience. And god knows, I’ve had a lot of fun making my messes and found a lot of strength in cleaning up after them.
Hurrah for the heart! And also I loved this post. Thank you so much for sharing the love.
My advice:
When you stop looking is when you find it (or him).
Loving yourself and showing it is the most honest way for a man to fall in love with you.
this is contradictory. and my advice is this: wait til marriage to have sex. if he truly is the right guy, he’ll respect you for that choice.
hey. this works for guys too. thanks for this, ok?
This list was good until you get to #42. Why wouldn’t you want a mans opinion on how you can better yourself to attract a man? The book was very well written and gave you great insight. Its clear this list was created by the vindictive bitches who don’t have a man and yet feel they must tell everyone how to get one!
Peace and Love
Jackie Miles
[...] March 5, 2012 at 12:32 am (Uncategorized) http://stylishthought.com/life/relationships-life/50-dating-rules-for-smart-girls-who-dont-need-dati… [...]
I’m a heterosexual male, but I read this list over and actually agreed with this list, but trying mostly to think from a women’s perspective while doing it. Not that I really know how that works. Anyhow, the part that I completely wanted to say, “Hell Yeah!” to was # 42. I can’t stand seeing Steve’s ugly mug everywhere selling a shit load of books to people, mostly women, unfortunately! My opinion, women, this list is all you need! Of course not everybody will agree, but hey, opinions are like assh…….
Girl power! We are not needy lunatics.
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