Not again…the dreaded break up has happened. Whether it was a long term relationship or just a summer romance, it doesn’t make it any easier. No one goes into a relationship thinking, “Man I sure hope this doesn’t last.” And when breakups happen it can be disorienting, disheartening and down right sad.
But, before you reach for the chocolate chip cookies and rocky road ice cream and do things you should not do, let’s get real. Break ups are sad and the loss of any relationship is hard, but we don’t have to become blubbering saps who can’t get out of bed for weeks. Nor do we have to turn into bitter, man-hating wags. There’s a happy medium and it usually involves talking through your feelings, accepting responsibility and moving on.
The key is not to get over your ex as quickly as possible, but as healthy as possible. Here are a few tips on mending your broken heart and keeping your self-respect in that.
1. Take Time Off the Dating Scene bka “The Manbattical”
Give yourself the proper time to heal, otherwise you will pay for it on the backend. Where’s the fire? You will meet someone when the time is right and you are mentally able to enjoy a new encounter or relationship if it turns into that. You don’t want to waste anyone’s time finding out you are not yet over your ex and miss out on a “good catch”.
2. Talk it Out (But Try Not to Dwell)
I don’t mean calling every girlfriend you have to bad mouth your ex (although it sure feels good). What if you realize the relationship isn’t really over? Now everyone has an opinion based on what you have said in the heat of the moment. Instead turn that energy into something creative i.e. writing, drawing, or physical activity. You need to release that energy. My relationship has turned me into a novice boxer and if I ever need to hurt someone I’ll be prepared.
3. Seek Closure With or Without Your Ex
This doesn’t mean calling you ex and forcing a conversation. For everyone this process is different. Decide for yourself what you need to get over it. Accept responsibility for your contributions to the break-up and go about the business of getting closure. For some that means having a heart to heart. For others it simply means forgiving themselves and jumping back into their own lives and happiness.
4. Learn & Move On (& Get a Little Pissed)
Although it hurts now, relationships are one of the best learning tools wed could ask for. The great memories will never leave you but neither will the bad ones. Take what you have learned and pay it forward in your life from here on out. Conventional wisdom would say to placate but I say a little anger never hurt nothing. Internalize your lessons and put some force behind them so you can work to not make the same mistakes again.
I believe that when found, the right relationship can be the element that helps a person go from good to great, unsuccessful to successful and from indolent to empowered. Shake off the ghosts of exes’ past and get to the business of moving on.